So I'm sitting here bored at work, reading thru everyone's blogs learning about what is going on in everyone's lives, and it just makes me sit here and cry.. I'm so glad that I don't really have anyone around me at work, cuz I'd feel awfully stupid.. Reading about how all the people I went to high school with are married and having babies is really taking a toll on me. I guess I should probably tell you a little why..
Well a couple months ago I started having extreme pain in the lower right side of my abdomen, and into my back. I was having that time of the month, and just figured I was having pretty bad cramps so I didn't think much of it... Well it started getting worse and everyone I talked to told me to call my doctor. Well after 5 phone calls and messages they finally called me back saying I needed to go to an OBGYN. So I made my appointment. Well in the week or so I had to wait I ended up in the ER late one night becuz it got so unbearable I couldn't walk. They did all kind of tests and found nothing wrong. A lady at work told me it sounded to her like endometriosis, so I figured I'd wait to see what the other doctor said. So I finally get into the OBGYN and he does some tests and says he can't seem to find a problem and says it may have to do with my Crohn's disease.. Well I've had Crohn's for years and years, and know exactly what a flare up feels like. This wasn't it. So long story short I made another ER trip, 3 trips to instacare, one to my normal doctor, and finally decided to go to another OBGYN. I was so frustrated getting told that nothing was wrong with me, when I knew there was. I had that time of the month for a month and a half, and was in extreme pain. K well I've never been to medical school, but I know when something isn't right. So I finally got into the new OBGYN on a Friday and told him everything that was going on, and he said it sounded to him like Endometriosis and that he had to do a Diagnostic Laparascopy to be sure. So he hurried and got me scheduled for that coming Wednesday.. I was scared to have to have surgery, but wasn't really that worried about the outcome. I know girls that have it and manage it and are fine.
So Wednesday comes around and I start freaking out.. The doctor said it was a simple procedure, just 2 incisions. One above my pelvic bone and one in my belly button. Cake. So after waiting forever cuz the doctor was running late, and the hospital taking someone into surgery before me I finally get in there and don't remember anything after they started wheeling me outa the room. When I came to I remember the doctor trying to show me pictures of what he had found, and he obviously wasn't listening to how freaking blind I am without my glasses cuz I couldn't see anything but a blur. But he said that he had found a whole mess of it in me. He cautorized it all, but he said that some of it was extremely thick and I'd be pretty sore. He did tell me he had to make another incision on my left hip.. All in all after the fact that I finally made myself get up and walk I, except for some shaky legs and being pretty sore I was fine. Went home and layed down for a while but made sure I'd get up and walk, cuz during the procedure they pump you full of air, and after they can't get it all out. Well that makes for an air bubble that is just floating around in you.. And I can be the first to tell you that IT HURTS! I have no idea how the stupid thing would float to my shoulder, but it did. Walking around was the only thing I could do to get it to float somewhere else and not hurt.
But I was happy he had found the problem and he told me he was going to put me on the depo shot to stop the growth. It totally stops your cycle and makes it so it can't grow. Easy right? Well after that I get told that if I ever want kids I have to seriously start thinking of it in the next little while. He says that when I do they can't be spaced far, because I'll need a hysterectomy in the next few years..
Well that would be just great for someone who is married and all that. Not a 24 year old divorced girl. I've already been terrified of the fact that with my Crohn's I may have some problems getting pregnant when the time comes and now this. I know that this will make it ten times harder to get pregnant and I'm no where close to having that happen.
So here I sit trying to wrap my head around the fact there is a chance I may not be able to have babies when the time is right, and read about everyone else's happy family. I'm not writing this to get sympathy, I know that everyone has troubles and I'll get thru it. I just needed to finally get out my feelings. Its not something I feel like I can just talk to anyone about cuz I get told, "well if its meant to be it will happen" Well thats hard to hear sometimes, I've heard it for 3 1/2 years since getting divorced. I know I don't regret anything in my life because I'm a stronger person, but its hard to think that I woulda been married 6 years this month and already been a mom, and now there's a chance I wont get that.. Its just kind of hard.
Well ok thats enough of the poor me syndrom. It helps to get it out, even if its on my blog for everyone to see. I'm so happy for all of my friends (old high school friends or new) on here that have the cutest little familys. I love reading about the cute things that happen in your life. I hope everyone is well, and I'm sorry that this is not the happiest post, but I finally needed to get out my fears about all of this. Thanks for listening!
